A totally-not-spam thread about abzan football

[DirkGently]

Sir, this is a magic forum.

[TheAmericanSpirit]

This has gotta be spam. On the other hand, I imagine many truly are frustrated in their quest for a 92 rated Ben Mee, and considering EA is a dark and fickle entity, I pray for their sanity.

There are layers to this though: why is the thread tagged as Abzan? What kind of spambot would do such a thing?

[Serenade]

Abzan is the first alphabetical tag.

[Gamazson]

I cast Avenging Arrow, opposing player takes a dive and starts clutching his knee.

[DirkGently]

I love it how now it looks like I posted this stupid thread just to remind everyone that this is a forum for magic the gathering. Just in case y'all forgot.

[Hermes_]

I love it how now it looks like I posted this stupid thread just to remind everyone that this is a forum for magic the gathering. Just in case y'all forgot.

I saw thought and was like then once I opened it I realized it was just spam

[RxPhantom]

I am experiencing Increasing Confusion

[Igzex]

So is this the Abzan Advantage?

[darrenhabib]

Because of the Bribery at FIFA, they need a Decree of Justice brought on them.
On football puns, I'd just give them a Swift Kick to the Nut Collector for their Tendrils of Corruption.

[BeneTleilax]

Is this the first time one of these spam threads has been allowed to exist after the OP got deleted? I feel like this now a challenge for us to make a football-themed Abzan deck? Who'd be the general? Kethis, for Commentary?

[Hermes_]

Is this the first time one of these spam threads has been allowed to exist after the OP got deleted? I feel like this now a challenge for us to make a football-themed Abzan deck? Who'd be the general? Kethis, for Commentary?

land wise:
Grand Coliseum
Undergrowth Stadium
Nomad Stadium

[DirkGently]

There's not a lot of "ball" cards, but there are quite a decent number of spheres.

https://scryfall.com/search?q=sphere+ci%3Abgw

Maybe it's an eggs deck? Or pillowfort enchantments? Or some unholy hybrid?

[Mookie]

The 40k Blood bowl drop is bringing a few alt-art cards for Re-Roll, Touchdown!, Throw Team-Mate, Both Down, The Ball, and Perfect Defense, all of which seem like solid choices for a football-themed deck. Or so I assume, at least. Football has teammate-throwing, right?

Beyond that, I imagine some of the Battlebond and Strixhaven cards fit (i.e. Strixhaven Stadium).

[DirkGently]

As bad as it is, we probably need to run Foot Soldiers.

It's a shame we can't use Spinning Wheel Kick to win the game. GOOOOOAAAAAAL!!!!

[TheGildedGoose]

abz
anfootball

[TheAmericanSpirit]

So if we're building a Magical Abzan Football team, we need a team structure. I say we field a 3-5-2 formation to maximize attacking potential, defensive solidity, and control over possession i.e. a midrange rock-esque deck. I propose Doran, the Siege Tower to lead, because he's moving pretty fast for a tree and he's unlikely to flop due to his manly toughness.

[Serenade]

Lots of kicking going on in the Abzan Stronghold Arena.

[3drinks]

You think Doran, the Siege Tower would make a good linebacker? What about Kethis, the Hidden Hand?

[Igzex]

I dunno, Arcades, the Strategist has been a heck of a coach. Not sure how we're gonna beat that team.

[darrenhabib]

Well I'd say Kicker will be a key mechanic.

Flanking, First Strike, Rebound. Dash, Assist, Training, Squad are other nice ones.

You can even throw in a few Champion, Miracle and Dethrone for the big matches.

[Legend]

Arena

[Serenade]

Too bad all the best actors are Prismari.

Also make sure you grab your Team Pennant.

[Igzex]

Man Oko, Thief of Crowns is in the spirit and all with having painted his own body but the dude is banned from every stadium because he keeps sneaking in his own food.

[TheAmericanSpirit]

You think Doran, the Siege Tower would make a good linebacker? What about Kethis, the Hidden Hand?

I mean, let's compare. Imagine you're Alisson Becker, the goalie for Liverpool (Klopp 4ever!) and one of the best defensive players in modern Football. You're away from home, in the Old Trafford stadium against your hated rivals Manchester United. It's 70 minutes into the game, and Liverpool has a small 2-1 lead but that path to victory is tenuous. Substitutions occur, and suddenly, barreling towards you with possession of the ball, is a magical figure in a red/white uniform.

Now, in that scenario, which would be more frightening: a 30 foot tall tree man or some dude with a pen who's into mythology and name-dropping?

[3drinks]

You think Doran, the Siege Tower would make a good linebacker? What about Kethis, the Hidden Hand?

I mean, let's compare. Imagine you're Alisson Becker, the goalie for Liverpool (Klopp 4ever!) and one of the best defensive players in modern Football. You're away from home, in the Old Trafford stadium against your hated rivals Manchester United. It's 70 minutes into the game, and Liverpool has a small 2-1 lead but that path to victory is tenuous. Substitutions occur, and suddenly, barreling towards you with possession of the ball, is a magical figure in a red/white uniform.

Now, in that scenario, which would be more frightening: a 30 foot tall tree man or some dude with a pen who's into mythology and name-dropping?

Definitely the 30ft tree.

Man Oko, Thief of Crowns is in the spirit and all with having painted his own body but the dude is banned from every stadium because he keeps sneaking in his own food.

This is an under-rated joke.