NEXUS FLAMINGO ☆ Exclusively For Custom Card Connoisseurs and Gnomes
Bad Tactics
Instant (U)
Creatures target player controls attack each combat if able.
"We ran into defeat when we could have walked to victory"
IIW: A card inspired by your favorite gif
Instant (U)
Creatures target player controls attack each combat if able.
"We ran into defeat when we could have walked to victory"
IIW: A card inspired by your favorite gif
Modern: Goryo's Gifts | Heartless Architect | Soul Sisters | MonoGreen Devotion
Pauper: Blackened Eggs | Zombies | Domain Zoo | Sultai Teachings | Jund Gardens
- Sporegorger_Dragon
- Posts: 2060
- Joined: 3 years ago
- Pronoun: he / him
Catastrophic Miscalculation
Instant (R)
Target creature deals damage equal to its power plus its toughness to another target creature or planeswalker with the same controller. If a creature or planeswalker dealt damage this way would die this turn, exile it instead.
-------
Bolas's greatest error was keeping Bontu within wingspan distance.
IIW: Ice Cream
Instant (R)
Target creature deals damage equal to its power plus its toughness to another target creature or planeswalker with the same controller. If a creature or planeswalker dealt damage this way would die this turn, exile it instead.
-------
Bolas's greatest error was keeping Bontu within wingspan distance.
IIW: Ice Cream
"What's with you and pitcher plants?" -NinjaCaterpie, 27-9-2021
Alright team, we're up 3-1. All we have to do is win one more game to close out the series. Which one of you has ice in their veins and can deliver when we need it most?
The worst part about this card is that it just gets hit by Mana Leak.
If you did the research to make this a 3/1, you get an HM.
Winner: spacemonaut
Next: Blaseball and other surreal splorts
Ah, yeah, the classic move of "blaming everything but the real problem." Deflect, make excuses, avoid taking responsibility, and get a contract signed for next season keep selling packs of the most recent set until the next banned and restricted list update.Pygyzy wrote: ↑3 years agoJace Did Nothing Wrong
Sorcery (M)
Each opponent reveals their library. You may have those players exile any number of cards in their library named Stoneforge Mystic*, Batterskull, Squadron Hawk, Ponder, Sphinx's Revelation, Celestial Colonnade, Sword of _____ and _____, or Gideon Jura. They're banned. Issue a half-assed statement why you didn't ban Jace, The Mind Sculptor. Then ban Jace, The Mind Sculptor. Those players shuffle.
(*Unless it's in an unmodified "War of Attrition" Event deck.)
"Well, you see, we just didn't think... enough about money."
-Wizards, probably
Iiw: Legendary Blind Luck
The worst part about this card is that it just gets hit by Mana Leak.
No meme entries allowed. I think this would allow me to fight your 5/5 with my 1/1 and have the 5/5 deal 5 damage to one of your other creatures. Then my 1/1 dies, of course, but that whole interaction feels maybe unintended. Of course, supposing I have a 6/6, it's a pretty solid 2-for-1.NinjaCaterpie wrote: ↑3 years agoReally Epic Choke Slam
Sorcery (M)
Target creature you control fights another target creature, then deals damage equal to the other creature's toughness to a third target creature.
"I'm gonna beat this monkey-fighter with another monkey-fighter!"
IIW: silly aftermath/split card names
This initially made me think of Lost in Thought, but eventually I realized that this is Oppressive Rays with additional utility. Good flavor though.Krishnath wrote: ↑3 years agoUnder Pressure
Enchantment - Aura (U)
Enchant creature or planeswalker.
Enchanted creature can't attack or block unless its controller pays
Enchanted creature or planeswalker can't use their activated abilities unless their controller pays an additional .
IIW: Disney Animated Canon (that means no Pixar).
Good + coherent aftermath effect that stretches the formula a bit. it's maybe a little inflexible (in that you really want the available when you cast this, and this likely loses a lot of utility if you don't), but there's nothing wrong with the effects.Cythare wrote: ↑3 years agoSet Up
Sorcery (R)
Up to three target creatures must attack during their controller's next turn if able.
//
Fail
Instant (R)
Aftermath (Cast this spell only from your graveyard. Then exile it.)
Each attacking creature deals damage to itself equal to its power.
IIW: Late in Eldraine development, Murderous Rider's multiverse file was completely corrupted. No one can remember exactly what it does, but they're fairly confident that it's an adventure but doesn't destroy creatures. Everyone's scrambling to submit a replacement. What is it?
100% of the time you cast this it is going to be a blowout. However, it's so expensive that you're practically playing with it face up on the table. The opponent should be able to mitigate it fairly easily. To that point, it almost feels overcosted. it might not be possible to bring this to a safe space with this exact text, so I wonder if there's a way to adjust it?Phyrexian Editor wrote: ↑3 years agoBloodblind
Instant {U}
Target attacking creature an opponent controls deals damage equal to its power divided as you choose among any number of target creatures.
"My hand slipped." -An Akron legionnaire's last words at the gallows
IIW: My cat knows just one trick, but it's a useful one
Hydrosurge sends its regards.mellifluoresce wrote: ↑3 years agoPerformance Anxiety
Instant (C)
Target creature gets -X/-0 until end of turn, where X is the number of creatures on the battlefield.
IIW: juggalos
aight we entered the troll entries early. my brain moves faster than my fingers so sadly I have already spent a cycle thinking about Hive Mind and all of that. But I'm moving on now.Sporegorger_Dragon wrote: ↑3 years agoEpic Fail
Sorcery (M)
You lose the game.
The Multiverse sundered. Planes ravaged. Civilizations extinguished. Innumerable lives lost. Jace had to admit, this was gonna be hard to pass off as a success.
IIW: Ice Cream
That's my coach!
If you did the research to make this a 3/1, you get an HM.
Yeah see now this is funny. I chuckled while I was reading through the entries earlier and saw this. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. This card is actually fairly enticing as you can try to revive The OG Himself to kill it while it's on II. Would be fun to play around with.spacemonaut wrote: ↑3 years agoAscension of the Dragon-God
Enchantment — Saga (M)
I, II — Put up to one planeswalker card from your hand or graveyard onto the battlefield under your control. Proliferate.
III — Sacrifice each nonland permanent you control.
IIW: Blaseball and other surreal splorts
Hey, if you're doing it right it should only need to attack two or three times anyway, right? I, as you know, enjoy this kind of space for aggro designs, so I am into this one.NinjaCaterpie wrote: ↑3 years agoTin Street Punter
Creature - Goblin Rogue (R)
Haste
Tin Street Punter doesn't untap during your untap step as long as an opponent has 10 or less life.
He punts hard... until he punts hard.
2/2
IIW: silly aftermath/split card names
Given the card type I assume this is meant to be "this turn?" I'm somewhat surprised we haven't yet seen this exact effect on a card. Lots of similar ones, but usually as part of another card. It may be that this effect isn't actually worth a card?
This feels like a lot of words to say "exile target creature or planeswalker."Sporegorger_Dragon wrote: ↑3 years agoCatastrophic Miscalculation
Instant (R)
Target creature deals damage equal to its power plus its toughness to another target creature or planeswalker with the same controller. If a creature or planeswalker dealt damage this way would die this turn, exile it instead.
-------
Bolas's greatest error was keeping Bontu within wingspan distance.
IIW: Ice Cream
Winner: spacemonaut
Next: Blaseball and other surreal splorts
MEG
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Krishnath Mechanical Dragon
- Posts: 3565
- Joined: 4 years ago
- Pronoun: he / him
- Location: A cave somewhere in Scandinavia
I was actually inspired by Brainwash. Which probably inspired the other two cards you mentioned as well.
Numquam evolutioni obstes. Solum conculceris.
Pascite draconem, evolvite aut morimini.
The Commander Legacy Project, Come say hello and give your thoughts.
Like to read? Love books and want to recommend one to your fellow forum users? Go here.
Pascite draconem, evolvite aut morimini.
The Commander Legacy Project, Come say hello and give your thoughts.
Like to read? Love books and want to recommend one to your fellow forum users? Go here.
-
Cythare Say You'll Dismember Me
- Posts: 707
- Joined: 5 years ago
- Pronoun: he / him
- Location: Studying at the Judge Academy
Splatsketball Torchdown
Sorcery (U)
Splatsketball Torchdown costs less to cast for each 1/1 creature you control.
Splatsketball Torchdown deals X damage to target player and each creature that player controls.
EDIT:
IIW: A DFC but the backside is just flavor text OR Merfolk splashdown
Sorcery (U)
Splatsketball Torchdown costs less to cast for each 1/1 creature you control.
Splatsketball Torchdown deals X damage to target player and each creature that player controls.
EDIT:
IIW: A DFC but the backside is just flavor text OR Merfolk splashdown
Last edited by Cythare 3 years ago, edited 1 time in total.
Level 2 Judge circa 2016
Draft my cube! (630 cards)
Draft my cube! (630 cards)
Calvin Ball
Sorcery
Until the end of the turn, make up the rules as you go.
Exile Calvin Ball.
"yYou missed a wicket!"
IIW: Raccoons
Sorcery
Until the end of the turn, make up the rules as you go.
Exile Calvin Ball.
"yYou missed a wicket!"
IIW: Raccoons
Modern: Goryo's Gifts | Heartless Architect | Soul Sisters | MonoGreen Devotion
Pauper: Blackened Eggs | Zombies | Domain Zoo | Sultai Teachings | Jund Gardens
-
Krishnath Mechanical Dragon
- Posts: 3565
- Joined: 4 years ago
- Pronoun: he / him
- Location: A cave somewhere in Scandinavia
Goblinball
Instant (R)
Cascade
Create a 1/1 red goblin creature token, when it enters the battlefield, it fights target creature.
Storm
"Only a goblin would understand the rules of Goblinball, yet it has become the most popular spectator sport in the last century, by far."
IIW: Disney Animated Canon (that means no Pixar).
Instant (R)
Cascade
Create a 1/1 red goblin creature token, when it enters the battlefield, it fights target creature.
Storm
"Only a goblin would understand the rules of Goblinball, yet it has become the most popular spectator sport in the last century, by far."
IIW: Disney Animated Canon (that means no Pixar).
Numquam evolutioni obstes. Solum conculceris.
Pascite draconem, evolvite aut morimini.
The Commander Legacy Project, Come say hello and give your thoughts.
Like to read? Love books and want to recommend one to your fellow forum users? Go here.
Pascite draconem, evolvite aut morimini.
The Commander Legacy Project, Come say hello and give your thoughts.
Like to read? Love books and want to recommend one to your fellow forum users? Go here.
-
- Posts: 121
- Joined: 3 years ago
- Pronoun: he / him
- Contact:
dari devolver
evolution creature - human devolver
haste
when dari devolver arrives, score 4.
whenever your score lowers, hypermorph dari devolver as a red +3/-1 and attache it to target bleeder.
-1/+3
iiw: magic in alternate universes.
evolution creature - human devolver
haste
when dari devolver arrives, score 4.
whenever your score lowers, hypermorph dari devolver as a red +3/-1 and attache it to target bleeder.
-1/+3
iiw: magic in alternate universes.
Ah yeah, makes sense. I was focusing on the activated ability portion of the card as I was having some difficulty with the templating.
choking on the choking challenge? You hate to see it.
MEG
- NinjaCaterpie
- Posts: 426
- Joined: 4 years ago
- Pronoun: he / him
- Location: Sydney (Not the Nova Scotia One)
It's just the same challenge again!!!! we can't keep getting away with this!!
Ivy Lane Pitcher
Creature - Plant (U)
Defender, reach
At the beginning of combat on your turn, another target creature you control gains flying. Whenever it deals combat damage this turn, it deals that much damage to itself.
1/4
IIW: silly aftermath/split card names
Ivy Lane Pitcher
Creature - Plant (U)
Defender, reach
At the beginning of combat on your turn, another target creature you control gains flying. Whenever it deals combat damage this turn, it deals that much damage to itself.
1/4
IIW: silly aftermath/split card names
- Sporegorger_Dragon
- Posts: 2060
- Joined: 3 years ago
- Pronoun: he / him
Dreadbore is a sorcery at rare, so this as an instant needs extra effort; it doesn't do anything unless your opponent controls a creature and at least one other creature or planeswalker, so if they happen to have Ugin and a Squirrel token then you're out of luck.
And also because I'm representing Bontu chomping down on Bolas's hand. Despark doesn't really capture that feel for me; it's name is Despark, but it doesn't specifically reference planeswalkers.
I really hope the pun in this card's name is intended,NinjaCaterpie wrote: ↑3 years agoIvy Lane Pitcher
Creature - Plant (U)
Defender, reach
At the beginning of combat on your turn, another target creature you control gains flying. Whenever it deals combat damage this turn, it deals that much damage to itself.
1/4
"What's with you and pitcher plants?" -NinjaCaterpie, 27-9-2021
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spacemonaut Bauble reclaimer
- Posts: 1398
- Joined: 5 years ago
- Pronoun: she / her
- Location: Scotland
judging in 13ish hours
5-D Full-Contact Ultra-Chess
Artifact (R)
All creatures have power and toughness equal to their mana value, and gain the following abilities and types accordingly, as indicated below-
0-1 *Counts as a Nawp has : Tap target Shibop or Tinghk.
2-3 *Counts as a Shibop, has : Fight target Nawp or Tinghk.
4-5 *Counts as a Tinghk, has Untap target Nawp or Shibop.
6-7 *Counts as a Koro, has Destroy target Koro or Nueeq.
8-9 *Counts as a Nueeq, has Gain control of target Koro or Nueeq.
10+ *Counts as a Gink, has : Target non-Gink fights another non-Gink.
Iiw: Something completely different
Artifact (R)
All creatures have power and toughness equal to their mana value, and gain the following abilities and types accordingly, as indicated below-
0-1 *Counts as a Nawp has : Tap target Shibop or Tinghk.
2-3 *Counts as a Shibop, has : Fight target Nawp or Tinghk.
4-5 *Counts as a Tinghk, has Untap target Nawp or Shibop.
6-7 *Counts as a Koro, has Destroy target Koro or Nueeq.
8-9 *Counts as a Nueeq, has Gain control of target Koro or Nueeq.
10+ *Counts as a Gink, has : Target non-Gink fights another non-Gink.
Iiw: Something completely different
- Sporegorger_Dragon
- Posts: 2060
- Joined: 3 years ago
- Pronoun: he / him
Gorilla-Spanking Tournament
Enchantment (R)
Whenever a non-Ape creature enters the battlefield, its controller creates a 3/3 red and green Ape creature token, then that creature fights that Ape.
Whenever a source deals damage to an Ape, that source's controller gets that many points.
When Gorilla-Spanking Tournament leaves the battlefield, the player with more points than any other player draws two cards and gains 5 life.
At the beginning of your upkeep, if a player has more points than any other player and has 50 or more points, that player wins the game.
----
Flavor text: Choose any number-
-You should see the looks on the gorillas' faces.
-Scoring becomes harder when the gorillas start planting their rears in the ground or covering them in their hands.
-The real fun starts when the gorillas start spanking back.
-The air is soon filled with the sound of explosive claps and angry confused bellows.
IIW: Ice Cream
Enchantment (R)
Whenever a non-Ape creature enters the battlefield, its controller creates a 3/3 red and green Ape creature token, then that creature fights that Ape.
Whenever a source deals damage to an Ape, that source's controller gets that many points.
When Gorilla-Spanking Tournament leaves the battlefield, the player with more points than any other player draws two cards and gains 5 life.
At the beginning of your upkeep, if a player has more points than any other player and has 50 or more points, that player wins the game.
----
Flavor text: Choose any number-
-You should see the looks on the gorillas' faces.
-Scoring becomes harder when the gorillas start planting their rears in the ground or covering them in their hands.
-The real fun starts when the gorillas start spanking back.
-The air is soon filled with the sound of explosive claps and angry confused bellows.
IIW: Ice Cream
"What's with you and pitcher plants?" -NinjaCaterpie, 27-9-2021
-
spacemonaut Bauble reclaimer
- Posts: 1398
- Joined: 5 years ago
- Pronoun: she / her
- Location: Scotland
Work happened! work is done now. forever? doubtful.
Over to you for the Calvinball roundup, ██████!
Thanks, Harper! Today's Calvinball tournament is working out to be a doozy, as the Belgian team invoked their popular go-to strategy that they'll win their match against Nulogorsk if the Belgian military can succesfully invade and annex Nulogorsk. However, Nulogorsk, being a tiny fishing village, has no standing military at all, and further complicating matters, Belgian military command cannot find Nulogorsk on any maps at all, and those Nulogorskers sure aren't telling! This one's sure to get spicy over the coming week! Invest in bomb shelters and body armor, Eastern Europeans!
Back to you, Harper.
Goblinball's looking great as well! Yesterday we saw the semi-finals between... well, we're not sure who exactly! We saw an awful lot of goblins in at least three different colored uniforms all pour out onto the stadium, and there were a lot of wooden planks and folding chairs. Medical recovery efforts lasted until well after the award ceremony, and we're still not sure who's giving out the awards, but boy did the popcorn sell well today. Boy, what a great match.
How's the hyperball looking this week, Morgan?
It's looking pretty ██████████████ █████████████████████ ██████! Today the [LOUD, PROLONGED STATIC NOISE] and snapped the opposing goalkeeper in half! When the rubble was cleared up enough for play to resume, [SOUND OF JET ENGINES TAKING OFF FOR A FULL MINUTE WHILE MORGAN ██████ GESTURES AT VERY COMPLICATED DIAGRAMS] season champions for three █████ running. What a █████████████!
What a comprehensive and easy to understand explanation, Morgan! You always have such a way with words.
Onto ██████████ news, this week saw the debut game of the Elysian Flytraps! They mounted a nearly impenetrable defense, breaking the record for number of first-game saves and opponents eaten! Analysts are looking into whether this suits the future health of the sport, and we expect to hear back from them soon.
In the 5-D Full-Contact Ultra-Chess world, the grand champion Hou Yizzet maintains her position in a narrow game where they both won, and lost, and won, and lost, and won, scraping through by the skin of her teeth with barely an additional probability. Commentators attributed her success this week to her unusual strategy combining Koros and Shibops and targeting Ginks specifically. They went on to explain in detail how her strategy works, but honestly Harper, I can only understand so much. These are some pretty clever folks, and congratulations to Hou Yizzet!
And rounding off today's news, the Azorius were the surprise winners of this week's Gorilla-Spanking tournament, despite not even appearing in the finals. Having been signed up as a prank by the Rakdos, Azorius failed to show earlier in the season due to being "very busy with all this paperwork, we don't have time for any of this nonsense, this isn't even properly certified and the permits alone will take weeks" and other boring drivel, and were subsequently disqualified, but have since then become the only team to not have every single one of its members and coaches mauled to death by gorillas. Congratulations Azorius! They've been invited to pick up their trophy from the newly rebuilt Chamber of the Guildpact's second branch, which I'm sure they're already at because those straight-laced saps just looooove paperwork so much.
That wraps up today in splorts around the globe! Harper Splorts and Morgan ██████, signing off. Remember folks, stay safe out there, and never ██████████████████!
---
Bronze medal: Cythare
Silver medal: Krishnath
Winner because nobody can stop me and honestly deciding this bit was really difficult so I'll do what I want: Ulka
Next: Raccoons
Goooood evening, friends! Harper Splorts with Morgan ██████, both coming at you live from Inverse Wyoming, bringing you the week's news in splorts around the globe! First up in the news is the explosive touchdown we saw from the Asphodel Falcons in their upset win over their rivals and league champions, the Skeletons. Storming the field with both their main team and every single player in their reserves and junior training program simultaneously in the final minute of the game, the Asphodel Falcons wound up completely incinerating the field and won by just three points! Skeletons fans are crying foul, but the referees allowed it, having been reduced to ash and unable to hand out any red cards. What an unconventional strategy! Skeletons team management, when asked for comment on their entire team being reduced to ash, admitted that although it was a significant setback for the competitive season, their players now being literally skeletons would do wonders for marketing. They're presently on the lookout for any necromancers capable of returning their team's souls to their inanimate bones, or any souls really as long as they can move again. Necromancers in need of work, take note!Cythare wrote: ↑3 years agoSplatsketball Torchdown
Sorcery (U)
Splatsketball Torchdown costs less to cast for each 1/1 creature you control.
Splatsketball Torchdown deals X damage to target player and each creature that player controls.
IIW: A DFC but the backside is just flavor text OR Merfolk splashdown
Over to you for the Calvinball roundup, ██████!
[Camera cuts to Morgan.]
Thanks, Harper! Today's Calvinball tournament is working out to be a doozy, as the Belgian team invoked their popular go-to strategy that they'll win their match against Nulogorsk if the Belgian military can succesfully invade and annex Nulogorsk. However, Nulogorsk, being a tiny fishing village, has no standing military at all, and further complicating matters, Belgian military command cannot find Nulogorsk on any maps at all, and those Nulogorskers sure aren't telling! This one's sure to get spicy over the coming week! Invest in bomb shelters and body armor, Eastern Europeans!
Back to you, Harper.
[Camera cuts to Harper.]Krishnath wrote: ↑3 years agoGoblinball
Instant (R)
Cascade
Create a 1/1 red goblin creature token, when it enters the battlefield, it fights target creature.
Storm
"Only a goblin would understand the rules of Goblinball, yet it has become the most popular spectator sport in the last century, by far."
IIW: Disney Animated Canon (that means no Pixar).
Goblinball's looking great as well! Yesterday we saw the semi-finals between... well, we're not sure who exactly! We saw an awful lot of goblins in at least three different colored uniforms all pour out onto the stadium, and there were a lot of wooden planks and folding chairs. Medical recovery efforts lasted until well after the award ceremony, and we're still not sure who's giving out the awards, but boy did the popcorn sell well today. Boy, what a great match.
How's the hyperball looking this week, Morgan?
[Camera cuts to Morgan.]dangerousdice wrote: ↑3 years agodari devolver
evolution creature - human devolver
haste
when dari devolver arrives, score 4.
whenever your score lowers, hypermorph dari devolver as a red +3/-1 and attache it to target bleeder.
-1/+3
iiw: magic in alternate universes.
It's looking pretty ██████████████ █████████████████████ ██████! Today the [LOUD, PROLONGED STATIC NOISE] and snapped the opposing goalkeeper in half! When the rubble was cleared up enough for play to resume, [SOUND OF JET ENGINES TAKING OFF FOR A FULL MINUTE WHILE MORGAN ██████ GESTURES AT VERY COMPLICATED DIAGRAMS] season champions for three █████ running. What a █████████████!
[Camera cuts to Harper.]NinjaCaterpie wrote: ↑3 years agoIvy Lane Pitcher
Creature - Plant (U)
Defender, reach
At the beginning of combat on your turn, another target creature you control gains flying. Whenever it deals combat damage this turn, it deals that much damage to itself.
1/4
IIW: silly aftermath/split card names
What a comprehensive and easy to understand explanation, Morgan! You always have such a way with words.
Onto ██████████ news, this week saw the debut game of the Elysian Flytraps! They mounted a nearly impenetrable defense, breaking the record for number of first-game saves and opponents eaten! Analysts are looking into whether this suits the future health of the sport, and we expect to hear back from them soon.
[Camera cuts to Morgan.]Pygyzy wrote: ↑3 years ago5-D Full-Contact Ultra-Chess
Artifact (R)
All creatures have power and toughness equal to their mana value, and gain the following abilities and types accordingly, as indicated below-
0-1 *Counts as a Nawp has : Tap target Shibop or Tinghk.
2-3 *Counts as a Shibop, has : Fight target Nawp or Tinghk.
4-5 *Counts as a Tinghk, has Untap target Nawp or Shibop.
6-7 *Counts as a Koro, has Destroy target Koro or Nueeq.
8-9 *Counts as a Nueeq, has Gain control of target Koro or Nueeq.
10+ *Counts as a Gink, has : Target non-Gink fights another non-Gink.
Iiw: Something completely different
In the 5-D Full-Contact Ultra-Chess world, the grand champion Hou Yizzet maintains her position in a narrow game where they both won, and lost, and won, and lost, and won, scraping through by the skin of her teeth with barely an additional probability. Commentators attributed her success this week to her unusual strategy combining Koros and Shibops and targeting Ginks specifically. They went on to explain in detail how her strategy works, but honestly Harper, I can only understand so much. These are some pretty clever folks, and congratulations to Hou Yizzet!
[Camera cuts to Harper.]Sporegorger_Dragon wrote: ↑3 years agoGorilla-Spanking Tournament
Enchantment (R)
Whenever a non-Ape creature enters the battlefield, its controller creates a 3/3 red and green Ape creature token, then that creature fights that Ape.
Whenever a source deals damage to an Ape, that source's controller gets that many points.
When Gorilla-Spanking Tournament leaves the battlefield, the player with more points than any other player draws two cards and gains 5 life.
At the beginning of your upkeep, if a player has more points than any other player and has 50 or more points, that player wins the game.
----
Flavor text: Choose any number-
-You should see the looks on the gorillas' faces.
-Scoring becomes harder when the gorillas start planting their rears in the ground or covering them in their hands.
-The real fun starts when the gorillas start spanking back.
-The air is soon filled with the sound of explosive claps and angry confused bellows.
IIW: Ice Cream
And rounding off today's news, the Azorius were the surprise winners of this week's Gorilla-Spanking tournament, despite not even appearing in the finals. Having been signed up as a prank by the Rakdos, Azorius failed to show earlier in the season due to being "very busy with all this paperwork, we don't have time for any of this nonsense, this isn't even properly certified and the permits alone will take weeks" and other boring drivel, and were subsequently disqualified, but have since then become the only team to not have every single one of its members and coaches mauled to death by gorillas. Congratulations Azorius! They've been invited to pick up their trophy from the newly rebuilt Chamber of the Guildpact's second branch, which I'm sure they're already at because those straight-laced saps just looooove paperwork so much.
That wraps up today in splorts around the globe! Harper Splorts and Morgan ██████, signing off. Remember folks, stay safe out there, and never ██████████████████!
---
Bronze medal: Cythare
Silver medal: Krishnath
Winner because nobody can stop me and honestly deciding this bit was really difficult so I'll do what I want: Ulka
Next: Raccoons
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Krishnath Mechanical Dragon
- Posts: 3565
- Joined: 4 years ago
- Pronoun: he / him
- Location: A cave somewhere in Scandinavia
Silver? Nice.
Sandra and Woo
Enchantment - Saga (R)
I - Create a 1/1 green Raccoon creature token and a 1/1 white Human creature token.
II - Create a 1/1 green Raccoon creature token and a Food token.
III - Create a 4/4 Green and White Legendary Raccoon God creature token.
IV - Populate, Populate, Populate, Populate.
V - If you control six or more Raccoon creature tokens, you win the game.
IIW: Disney Animated Canon (That means no Pixar).
Sandra and Woo
Enchantment - Saga (R)
I - Create a 1/1 green Raccoon creature token and a 1/1 white Human creature token.
II - Create a 1/1 green Raccoon creature token and a Food token.
III - Create a 4/4 Green and White Legendary Raccoon God creature token.
IV - Populate, Populate, Populate, Populate.
V - If you control six or more Raccoon creature tokens, you win the game.
IIW: Disney Animated Canon (That means no Pixar).
Numquam evolutioni obstes. Solum conculceris.
Pascite draconem, evolvite aut morimini.
The Commander Legacy Project, Come say hello and give your thoughts.
Like to read? Love books and want to recommend one to your fellow forum users? Go here.
Pascite draconem, evolvite aut morimini.
The Commander Legacy Project, Come say hello and give your thoughts.
Like to read? Love books and want to recommend one to your fellow forum users? Go here.
The Raccoon God
Legendary Creature - Raccoon God (M)
Ingest, vigilance, skulk
Escape Exile six cards from an opponent's graveyard.
You may cast exiled cards you don't own.
1/7
iiw: New Silver-Border Mechanics
Legendary Creature - Raccoon God (M)
Ingest, vigilance, skulk
Escape Exile six cards from an opponent's graveyard.
You may cast exiled cards you don't own.
1/7
iiw: New Silver-Border Mechanics
Last edited by Pygyzy 3 years ago, edited 1 time in total.
nice judging
Hungry Raccoon
Creature - Raccoon {U}
When Hungry Raccoon enters the battlefield, create a food token.
Whenever you sacrifice a food, scry 1.
2/3
IIW: Something you wish we had seen in a standard-legal set (OR a supplementary set printed in the last year)
Hungry Raccoon
Creature - Raccoon {U}
When Hungry Raccoon enters the battlefield, create a food token.
Whenever you sacrifice a food, scry 1.
2/3
IIW: Something you wish we had seen in a standard-legal set (OR a supplementary set printed in the last year)
MEG
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Flatline The Heartbeat of America
- Posts: 451
- Joined: 5 years ago
- Pronoun: he / him
- Location: Someplace Special
Trash Panda
Creature — Raccoon (U)
Trash Panda costs less to cast if an opponent controls a Food.
When Trash Panda enters the battlefield, destroy all artifacts with mana value 0.
"If you want to eat breakfast tomorrow morning, remember to seal up your food tonight."
2/2
IIW: Band names as black-bordered card names. (No local bands. Your band should at least have a Wikipedia page.)
Creature — Raccoon (U)
Trash Panda costs less to cast if an opponent controls a Food.
When Trash Panda enters the battlefield, destroy all artifacts with mana value 0.
"If you want to eat breakfast tomorrow morning, remember to seal up your food tonight."
2/2
IIW: Band names as black-bordered card names. (No local bands. Your band should at least have a Wikipedia page.)
Last edited by Flatline 3 years ago, edited 1 time in total.
Card Contest Victories
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DCC
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(25 Total) - October 2014; December 2014; January 2015; April 2015; June 2015; August 2015; September 2015; November 2015; December 2015(T); January 2016; March 2016(T); April 2016; June 2016; October 2016; December 2016(T); February 2017; April 2017; December 2017; November 2018(T); January 2019; April 2019; June 2019; August 2019; October 2019; March 2020
MCC
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(8 Total) - May 2015; May 2016; June 2016; August 2016; October 2016; December 2016; October 2017; May 2019
CCL
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(7 Total) - September 2015; October 2015; January 2016; March 2016; April 2016; July 2016(T); March 2019(T)
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spacemonaut Bauble reclaimer
- Posts: 1398
- Joined: 5 years ago
- Pronoun: she / her
- Location: Scotland
Trinket Diver
Creature — Raccoon (R)
Haste
At the beginning of your end step, if Trinket Diver is in your graveyard, you may pay . When you do, return Trinket Diver and up to one target noncreature artifact card from your graveyard to the battlefield tapped.
2/1
IIW: Alter egos from another timeline/multiverse
Creature — Raccoon (R)
Haste
At the beginning of your end step, if Trinket Diver is in your graveyard, you may pay . When you do, return Trinket Diver and up to one target noncreature artifact card from your graveyard to the battlefield tapped.
2/1
IIW: Alter egos from another timeline/multiverse
Last edited by spacemonaut 3 years ago, edited 2 times in total.
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Cythare Say You'll Dismember Me
- Posts: 707
- Joined: 5 years ago
- Pronoun: he / him
- Location: Studying at the Judge Academy
Thrifty Thief
Creature — Raccoon (R)
Menace
Whenever Thrifty Thief deals combat damage to a player, exile a nonland card at random from that player's graveyard. Until end of turn, you may cast that card without paying its mana cost. If it would be put into that player's graveyard this turn, exile it instead.
2/2
IIW: A DFC but the backside is just flavor text OR Merfolk splashdown
Creature — Raccoon (R)
Menace
Whenever Thrifty Thief deals combat damage to a player, exile a nonland card at random from that player's graveyard. Until end of turn, you may cast that card without paying its mana cost. If it would be put into that player's graveyard this turn, exile it instead.
2/2
IIW: A DFC but the backside is just flavor text OR Merfolk splashdown
Level 2 Judge circa 2016
Draft my cube! (630 cards)
Draft my cube! (630 cards)
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- Posts: 130
- Joined: 4 years ago
- Pronoun: he / him
A Real Piece of %$#% That Is Destroying My Garage, This Is Really Happening, This Is Not a Magic Card
Creature - Raccoon %$#%
Deathtouch
: Stare at me through my kitchen window because she knows there isn't anything I can do to stop her short of putting grates up on all the intake points on the garage and we all know I'm not doing that
"Yeaaaaah %$#% yooou huuuumaaaan"
1/1
Creature - Raccoon %$#%
Deathtouch
: Stare at me through my kitchen window because she knows there isn't anything I can do to stop her short of putting grates up on all the intake points on the garage and we all know I'm not doing that
"Yeaaaaah %$#% yooou huuuumaaaan"
1/1
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spacemonaut Bauble reclaimer
- Posts: 1398
- Joined: 5 years ago
- Pronoun: she / her
- Location: Scotland
Garage Invader
Creature — Raccoon Rogue
As long as Garage Invader is attacking, for each creature you control with power 2 or less, you may have that creature assign its combat damage as though it weren't blocked.
They always know their way in, and nothing can stop them and their friends from taking the freshest trash for themselves.
2/2
IIW: Phyrexian Editor's garage gets fixed
IIW: Alter egos from another timeline/multiverse
Creature — Raccoon Rogue
As long as Garage Invader is attacking, for each creature you control with power 2 or less, you may have that creature assign its combat damage as though it weren't blocked.
They always know their way in, and nothing can stop them and their friends from taking the freshest trash for themselves.
2/2
IIW: Phyrexian Editor's garage gets fixed
IIW: Alter egos from another timeline/multiverse