MTGNexus

Does this sound right? I'm looking at modular reminder text for the wording. But this isn't reminder text, and I don't want it to target (for thematic if not mechanical reasons). And does it need "When it leaves the battlefield this way" at all?

Astral Rejection (Common)
1U
Instant
Return target nonland permanent to its owner's hand. When it leaves the battlefield this way, put its counters on a permanent.

As it is currently worded, it'll lead to some strange situations, like loyalty counters on land for example. You can get around this problem by tacking on "That shares a type with the permanent returned in this way" at the end.

The use of "When..." indicates a delayed trigger. Is this intentional or did you want it all one effect. If so there is no reason to talk about it leaving the battlefield. There is no way to keep the card on the field without countering this spell so you don't need to call it out.
Making it all one clear effect.

Move all counters from target nonland permanent to another permanent of your choice. Then return it to its owner's hand.

This is very powerful especially with Planeswalkers. To keep the cost low I think you need "With the same controller" on the counter moving.

Move all counters from target nonland permanent to another permanent controlled by the same player. Then return it to its owner's hand.