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Megiddo
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Post by Megiddo » 2 years ago



Image

... judging tomorrow.
MEG

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Ulka
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Post by Ulka » 2 years ago

Bad Tactics 1RR
Instant (U)
Creatures target player controls attack each combat if able.
"We ran into defeat when we could have walked to victory"

IIW: A card inspired by your favorite gif
Modern: Goryo's Gifts | Heartless Architect | Soul Sisters | MonoGreen Devotion
Pauper: Blackened Eggs | Zombies | Domain Zoo | Sultai Teachings | Jund Gardens

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Sporegorger_Dragon
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Post by Sporegorger_Dragon » 2 years ago

Catastrophic Miscalculation
br
Instant (R)
Target creature deals damage equal to its power plus its toughness to another target creature or planeswalker with the same controller. If a creature or planeswalker dealt damage this way would die this turn, exile it instead.
-------
Bolas's greatest error was keeping Bontu within wingspan distance.


IIW: Ice Cream
"What's with you and pitcher plants?" -NinjaCaterpie, 27-9-2021

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Megiddo
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Post by Megiddo » 2 years ago

Alright team, we're up 3-1. All we have to do is win one more game to close out the series. Which one of you has ice in their veins and can deliver when we need it most?
Pygyzy wrote:
2 years ago
Jace Did Nothing Wrong 3UB
Sorcery (M)
Each opponent reveals their library. You may have those players exile any number of cards in their library named Stoneforge Mystic*, Batterskull, Squadron Hawk, Ponder, Sphinx's Revelation, Celestial Colonnade, Sword of _____ and _____, or Gideon Jura. They're banned. Issue a half-assed statement why you didn't ban Jace, The Mind Sculptor. Then ban Jace, The Mind Sculptor. Those players shuffle.
(*Unless it's in an unmodified "War of Attrition" Event deck.)
"Well, you see, we just didn't think... enough about money."

-Wizards, probably

Iiw: Legendary Blind Luck
Ah, yeah, the classic move of "blaming everything but the real problem." Deflect, make excuses, avoid taking responsibility, and get a contract signed for next season keep selling packs of the most recent set until the next banned and restricted list update.

The worst part about this card is that it just gets hit by Mana Leak.
NinjaCaterpie wrote:
2 years ago
Really Epic Choke Slam 2RG
Sorcery (M)
Target creature you control fights another target creature, then deals damage equal to the other creature's toughness to a third target creature.
"I'm gonna beat this monkey-fighter with another monkey-fighter!"

IIW: silly aftermath/split card names
No meme entries allowed. I think this would allow me to fight your 5/5 with my 1/1 and have the 5/5 deal 5 damage to one of your other creatures. Then my 1/1 dies, of course, but that whole interaction feels maybe unintended. Of course, supposing I have a 6/6, it's a pretty solid 2-for-1.
Krishnath wrote:
2 years ago
Under Pressure WU
Enchantment - Aura (U)
Enchant creature or planeswalker.
Enchanted creature can't attack or block unless its controller pays 3
Enchanted creature or planeswalker can't use their activated abilities unless their controller pays an additional 3.

IIW: Disney Animated Canon (that means no Pixar).
This initially made me think of Lost in Thought, but eventually I realized that this is Oppressive Rays with additional utility. Good flavor though.
Cythare wrote:
2 years ago
Set Up 1R
Sorcery (R)
Up to three target creatures must attack during their controller's next turn if able.
//
Fail 1WW
Instant (R)
Aftermath (Cast this spell only from your graveyard. Then exile it.)
Each attacking creature deals damage to itself equal to its power.

IIW: Late in Eldraine development, Murderous Rider's multiverse file was completely corrupted. No one can remember exactly what it does, but they're fairly confident that it's an adventure but doesn't destroy creatures. Everyone's scrambling to submit a replacement. What is it?
Good + coherent aftermath effect that stretches the formula a bit. it's maybe a little inflexible (in that you really want the 3RRW available when you cast this, and this likely loses a lot of utility if you don't), but there's nothing wrong with the effects.
Phyrexian Editor wrote:
2 years ago
Bloodblind
Instant {U}
Target attacking creature an opponent controls deals damage equal to its power divided as you choose among any number of target creatures.
"My hand slipped." -An Akron legionnaire's last words at the gallows

IIW: My cat knows just one trick, but it's a useful one
100% of the time you cast this it is going to be a blowout. However, it's so expensive that you're practically playing with it face up on the table. The opponent should be able to mitigate it fairly easily. To that point, it almost feels overcosted. it might not be possible to bring this to a safe space with this exact text, so I wonder if there's a way to adjust it?
mellifluoresce wrote:
2 years ago
Performance Anxiety
Instant (C)
Target creature gets -X/-0 until end of turn, where X is the number of creatures on the battlefield.

IIW: juggalos
Hydrosurge sends its regards.
Sporegorger_Dragon wrote:
2 years ago
Epic Fail
b
Sorcery (M)
You lose the game.
The Multiverse sundered. Planes ravaged. Civilizations extinguished. Innumerable lives lost. Jace had to admit, this was gonna be hard to pass off as a success.

IIW: Ice Cream
aight we entered the troll entries early. my brain moves faster than my fingers so sadly I have already spent a cycle thinking about Hive Mind and all of that. But I'm moving on now.
Togs wrote:
2 years ago
Roc Civers 2RR
Legendary Creature - Human Advisor (R)
Other creatures you control get +2/+0. If an opponent has 3 or less life, other creatures you control get -2/+0 instead.
3/1

IIW: Sports World
That's my coach! :x

If you did the research to make this a 3/1, you get an HM.
spacemonaut wrote:
2 years ago
Ascension of the Dragon-God 1UBR
Enchantment — Saga (M)
I, II — Put up to one planeswalker card from your hand or graveyard onto the battlefield under your control. Proliferate.
III — Sacrifice each nonland permanent you control.

IIW: Blaseball and other surreal splorts
Yeah see now this is funny. I chuckled while I was reading through the entries earlier and saw this. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. This card is actually fairly enticing as you can try to revive The OG Himself to kill it while it's on II. Would be fun to play around with.
NinjaCaterpie wrote:
2 years ago
Tin Street Punter R
Creature - Goblin Rogue (R)
Haste
Tin Street Punter doesn't untap during your untap step as long as an opponent has 10 or less life.
He punts hard... until he punts hard.
2/2

IIW: silly aftermath/split card names
Hey, if you're doing it right it should only need to attack two or three times anyway, right? I, as you know, enjoy this kind of space for aggro designs, so I am into this one.
Ulka wrote:
2 years ago
Bad Tactics 1RR
Instant (U)
Creatures target player controls attack each combat if able.
"We ran into defeat when we could have walked to victory"

IIW: A card inspired by your favorite gif
Given the card type I assume this is meant to be "this turn?" I'm somewhat surprised we haven't yet seen this exact effect on a card. Lots of similar ones, but usually as part of another card. It may be that this effect isn't actually worth a card?
Sporegorger_Dragon wrote:
2 years ago
Catastrophic Miscalculation
br
Instant (R)
Target creature deals damage equal to its power plus its toughness to another target creature or planeswalker with the same controller. If a creature or planeswalker dealt damage this way would die this turn, exile it instead.
-------
Bolas's greatest error was keeping Bontu within wingspan distance.

IIW: Ice Cream
This feels like a lot of words to say "exile target creature or planeswalker."

Winner: spacemonaut
Next: Blaseball and other surreal splorts
MEG

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Krishnath
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Post by Krishnath » 2 years ago

I was actually inspired by Brainwash. Which probably inspired the other two cards you mentioned as well.
Numquam evolutioni obstes. Solum conculceris.

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Post by Pygyzy » 2 years ago

@Megiddo Dang it, I was gonna put mana leak on there too!

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Cythare
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Post by Cythare » 2 years ago

Splatsketball Torchdown XXRR
Sorcery (U)
Splatsketball Torchdown costs 1 less to cast for each 1/1 creature you control.
Splatsketball Torchdown deals X damage to target player and each creature that player controls.

EDIT:
IIW: A DFC but the backside is just flavor text OR Merfolk splashdown
Last edited by Cythare 2 years ago, edited 1 time in total.
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Ulka
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Post by Ulka » 2 years ago

Calvin Ball RRRRR
Sorcery
Until the end of the turn, make up the rules as you go.
Exile Calvin Ball.
"yYou missed a wicket!"

IIW: Raccoons
Modern: Goryo's Gifts | Heartless Architect | Soul Sisters | MonoGreen Devotion
Pauper: Blackened Eggs | Zombies | Domain Zoo | Sultai Teachings | Jund Gardens

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Krishnath
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Post by Krishnath » 2 years ago

Goblinball 4RG
Instant (R)
Cascade
Create a 1/1 red goblin creature token, when it enters the battlefield, it fights target creature.
Storm
"Only a goblin would understand the rules of Goblinball, yet it has become the most popular spectator sport in the last century, by far."


IIW: Disney Animated Canon (that means no Pixar).
Numquam evolutioni obstes. Solum conculceris.

Pascite draconem, evolvite aut morimini.

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Post by dangerousdice » 2 years ago

dari devolver
evolution creature - human devolver
haste
when dari devolver arrives, score 4.
whenever your score lowers, hypermorph dari devolver as a red +3/-1 and attache it to target bleeder.
-1/+3

iiw: magic in alternate universes.

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Megiddo
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Post by Megiddo » 2 years ago

Krishnath wrote:
2 years ago
I was actually inspired by Brainwash. Which probably inspired the other two cards you mentioned as well.
Ah yeah, makes sense. I was focusing on the activated ability portion of the card as I was having some difficulty with the templating.
Pygyzy wrote:
2 years ago
@Megiddo Dang it, I was gonna put mana leak on there too!
choking on the choking challenge? You hate to see it. ;)
MEG

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NinjaCaterpie
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Post by NinjaCaterpie » 2 years ago

It's just the same challenge again!!!! we can't keep getting away with this!!

Ivy Lane Pitcher 1RG
Creature - Plant (U)
Defender, reach
At the beginning of combat on your turn, another target creature you control gains flying. Whenever it deals combat damage this turn, it deals that much damage to itself.
1/4

IIW: silly aftermath/split card names

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Sporegorger_Dragon
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Post by Sporegorger_Dragon » 2 years ago

Megiddo wrote:
2 years ago
This feels like a lot of words to say "exile target creature or planeswalker."
Dreadbore is a sorcery at rare, so this as an instant needs extra effort; it doesn't do anything unless your opponent controls a creature and at least one other creature or planeswalker, so if they happen to have Ugin and a Squirrel token then you're out of luck.

And also because I'm representing Bontu chomping down on Bolas's hand. Despark doesn't really capture that feel for me; it's name is Despark, but it doesn't specifically reference planeswalkers.
NinjaCaterpie wrote:
2 years ago
Ivy Lane Pitcher 1RG
Creature - Plant (U)
Defender, reach
At the beginning of combat on your turn, another target creature you control gains flying. Whenever it deals combat damage this turn, it deals that much damage to itself.
1/4
I really hope the pun in this card's name is intended, :grin:
"What's with you and pitcher plants?" -NinjaCaterpie, 27-9-2021

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spacemonaut
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Post by spacemonaut » 2 years ago

judging in 13ish hours

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Post by Pygyzy » 2 years ago

5-D Full-Contact Ultra-Chess 5
Artifact (R)
All creatures have power and toughness equal to their mana value, and gain the following abilities and types accordingly, as indicated below-
0-1 *Counts as a Nawp has T: Tap target Shibop or Tinghk.
2-3 *Counts as a Shibop, has T: Fight target Nawp or Tinghk.
4-5 *Counts as a Tinghk, has T: Untap target Nawp or Shibop.
6-7 *Counts as a Koro, has T: Destroy target Koro or Nueeq.
8-9 *Counts as a Nueeq, has T: Gain control of target Koro or Nueeq.
10+ *Counts as a Gink, has T: Target non-Gink fights another non-Gink.

Iiw: Something completely different

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Post by Sporegorger_Dragon » 2 years ago

Gorilla-Spanking Tournament
2rg
Enchantment (R)
Whenever a non-Ape creature enters the battlefield, its controller creates a 3/3 red and green Ape creature token, then that creature fights that Ape.
Whenever a source deals damage to an Ape, that source's controller gets that many points.
When Gorilla-Spanking Tournament leaves the battlefield, the player with more points than any other player draws two cards and gains 5 life.
At the beginning of your upkeep, if a player has more points than any other player and has 50 or more points, that player wins the game.
----
Flavor text: Choose any number-
-You should see the looks on the gorillas' faces.
-Scoring becomes harder when the gorillas start planting their rears in the ground or covering them in their hands.
-The real fun starts when the gorillas start spanking back.
-The air is soon filled with the sound of explosive claps and angry confused bellows.


IIW: Ice Cream
"What's with you and pitcher plants?" -NinjaCaterpie, 27-9-2021

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spacemonaut
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Post by spacemonaut » 2 years ago

Work happened! work is done now. forever? doubtful.
2021-06-23_18-59-37_firefox.png
Cythare wrote:
2 years ago
Splatsketball Torchdown XXRR
Sorcery (U)
Splatsketball Torchdown costs 1 less to cast for each 1/1 creature you control.
Splatsketball Torchdown deals X damage to target player and each creature that player controls.

IIW: A DFC but the backside is just flavor text OR Merfolk splashdown
Goooood evening, friends! Harper Splorts with Morgan ██████, both coming at you live from Inverse Wyoming, bringing you the week's news in splorts around the globe! First up in the news is the explosive touchdown we saw from the Asphodel Falcons in their upset win over their rivals and league champions, the Skeletons. Storming the field with both their main team and every single player in their reserves and junior training program simultaneously in the final minute of the game, the Asphodel Falcons wound up completely incinerating the field and won by just three points! Skeletons fans are crying foul, but the referees allowed it, having been reduced to ash and unable to hand out any red cards. What an unconventional strategy! Skeletons team management, when asked for comment on their entire team being reduced to ash, admitted that although it was a significant setback for the competitive season, their players now being literally skeletons would do wonders for marketing. They're presently on the lookout for any necromancers capable of returning their team's souls to their inanimate bones, or any souls really as long as they can move again. Necromancers in need of work, take note!

Over to you for the Calvinball roundup, ██████!
Ulka wrote:
2 years ago
Calvin Ball RRRRR
Sorcery
Until the end of the turn, make up the rules as you go.
Exile Calvin Ball.
"yYou missed a wicket!"

IIW: Raccoons
[Camera cuts to Morgan.]

Thanks, Harper! Today's Calvinball tournament is working out to be a doozy, as the Belgian team invoked their popular go-to strategy that they'll win their match against Nulogorsk if the Belgian military can succesfully invade and annex Nulogorsk. However, Nulogorsk, being a tiny fishing village, has no standing military at all, and further complicating matters, Belgian military command cannot find Nulogorsk on any maps at all, and those Nulogorskers sure aren't telling! This one's sure to get spicy over the coming week! Invest in bomb shelters and body armor, Eastern Europeans!

Back to you, Harper.
Krishnath wrote:
2 years ago
Goblinball 4RG
Instant (R)
Cascade
Create a 1/1 red goblin creature token, when it enters the battlefield, it fights target creature.
Storm
"Only a goblin would understand the rules of Goblinball, yet it has become the most popular spectator sport in the last century, by far."

IIW: Disney Animated Canon (that means no Pixar).
[Camera cuts to Harper.]

Goblinball's looking great as well! Yesterday we saw the semi-finals between... well, we're not sure who exactly! We saw an awful lot of goblins in at least three different colored uniforms all pour out onto the stadium, and there were a lot of wooden planks and folding chairs. Medical recovery efforts lasted until well after the award ceremony, and we're still not sure who's giving out the awards, but boy did the popcorn sell well today. Boy, what a great match.

How's the hyperball looking this week, Morgan?
dangerousdice wrote:
2 years ago
dari devolver
evolution creature - human devolver
haste
when dari devolver arrives, score 4.
whenever your score lowers, hypermorph dari devolver as a red +3/-1 and attache it to target bleeder.
-1/+3

iiw: magic in alternate universes.
[Camera cuts to Morgan.]

It's looking pretty ██████████████ █████████████████████ ██████! Today the [LOUD, PROLONGED STATIC NOISE] and snapped the opposing goalkeeper in half! When the rubble was cleared up enough for play to resume, [SOUND OF JET ENGINES TAKING OFF FOR A FULL MINUTE WHILE MORGAN ██████ GESTURES AT VERY COMPLICATED DIAGRAMS] season champions for three █████ running. What a █████████████!
NinjaCaterpie wrote:
2 years ago
Ivy Lane Pitcher 1RG
Creature - Plant (U)
Defender, reach
At the beginning of combat on your turn, another target creature you control gains flying. Whenever it deals combat damage this turn, it deals that much damage to itself.
1/4

IIW: silly aftermath/split card names
[Camera cuts to Harper.]

What a comprehensive and easy to understand explanation, Morgan! You always have such a way with words.

Onto ██████████ news, this week saw the debut game of the Elysian Flytraps! They mounted a nearly impenetrable defense, breaking the record for number of first-game saves and opponents eaten! Analysts are looking into whether this suits the future health of the sport, and we expect to hear back from them soon.
Pygyzy wrote:
2 years ago
5-D Full-Contact Ultra-Chess 5
Artifact (R)
All creatures have power and toughness equal to their mana value, and gain the following abilities and types accordingly, as indicated below-
0-1 *Counts as a Nawp has T: Tap target Shibop or Tinghk.
2-3 *Counts as a Shibop, has T: Fight target Nawp or Tinghk.
4-5 *Counts as a Tinghk, has T: Untap target Nawp or Shibop.
6-7 *Counts as a Koro, has T: Destroy target Koro or Nueeq.
8-9 *Counts as a Nueeq, has T: Gain control of target Koro or Nueeq.
10+ *Counts as a Gink, has T: Target non-Gink fights another non-Gink.

Iiw: Something completely different
[Camera cuts to Morgan.]

In the 5-D Full-Contact Ultra-Chess world, the grand champion Hou Yizzet maintains her position in a narrow game where they both won, and lost, and won, and lost, and won, scraping through by the skin of her teeth with barely an additional probability. Commentators attributed her success this week to her unusual strategy combining Koros and Shibops and targeting Ginks specifically. They went on to explain in detail how her strategy works, but honestly Harper, I can only understand so much. These are some pretty clever folks, and congratulations to Hou Yizzet!
Sporegorger_Dragon wrote:
2 years ago
Gorilla-Spanking Tournament
2rg
Enchantment (R)
Whenever a non-Ape creature enters the battlefield, its controller creates a 3/3 red and green Ape creature token, then that creature fights that Ape.
Whenever a source deals damage to an Ape, that source's controller gets that many points.
When Gorilla-Spanking Tournament leaves the battlefield, the player with more points than any other player draws two cards and gains 5 life.
At the beginning of your upkeep, if a player has more points than any other player and has 50 or more points, that player wins the game.
----
Flavor text: Choose any number-
-You should see the looks on the gorillas' faces.
-Scoring becomes harder when the gorillas start planting their rears in the ground or covering them in their hands.
-The real fun starts when the gorillas start spanking back.
-The air is soon filled with the sound of explosive claps and angry confused bellows.


IIW: Ice Cream
[Camera cuts to Harper.]

And rounding off today's news, the Azorius were the surprise winners of this week's Gorilla-Spanking tournament, despite not even appearing in the finals. Having been signed up as a prank by the Rakdos, Azorius failed to show earlier in the season due to being "very busy with all this paperwork, we don't have time for any of this nonsense, this isn't even properly certified and the permits alone will take weeks" and other boring drivel, and were subsequently disqualified, but have since then become the only team to not have every single one of its members and coaches mauled to death by gorillas. Congratulations Azorius! They've been invited to pick up their trophy from the newly rebuilt Chamber of the Guildpact's second branch, which I'm sure they're already at because those straight-laced saps just looooove paperwork so much.

That wraps up today in splorts around the globe! Harper Splorts and Morgan ██████, signing off. Remember folks, stay safe out there, and never ██████████████████!


---

Bronze medal: Cythare
Silver medal: Krishnath
Winner because nobody can stop me and honestly deciding this bit was really difficult so I'll do what I want: Ulka
Next: Raccoons

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Krishnath
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Post by Krishnath » 2 years ago

Silver? Nice.

Sandra and Woo 1WG
Enchantment - Saga (R)
I - Create a 1/1 green Raccoon creature token and a 1/1 white Human creature token.
II - Create a 1/1 green Raccoon creature token and a Food token.
III - Create a 4/4 Green and White Legendary Raccoon God creature token.
IV - Populate, Populate, Populate, Populate.
V - If you control six or more Raccoon creature tokens, you win the game.


IIW: Disney Animated Canon (That means no Pixar).
Numquam evolutioni obstes. Solum conculceris.

Pascite draconem, evolvite aut morimini.

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Post by Pygyzy » 2 years ago

The Raccoon God CWB
Legendary Creature - Raccoon God (M)
Ingest, vigilance, skulk
Escape Exile six cards from an opponent's graveyard.
You may cast exiled cards you don't own.
1/7

iiw: New Silver-Border Mechanics
Last edited by Pygyzy 2 years ago, edited 1 time in total.

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Megiddo
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Post by Megiddo » 2 years ago

nice judging

Hungry Raccoon 2U
Creature - Raccoon {U}
When Hungry Raccoon enters the battlefield, create a food token.
Whenever you sacrifice a food, scry 1.
2/3

IIW: Something you wish we had seen in a standard-legal set (OR a supplementary set printed in the last year)
MEG

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Flatline
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Post by Flatline » 2 years ago

Trash Panda 2gg
Creature — Raccoon (U)
Trash Panda costs 2 less to cast if an opponent controls a Food.
When Trash Panda enters the battlefield, destroy all artifacts with mana value 0.
"If you want to eat breakfast tomorrow morning, remember to seal up your food tonight."
2/2

IIW: Band names as black-bordered card names. (No local bands. Your band should at least have a Wikipedia page.)
Last edited by Flatline 2 years ago, edited 1 time in total.
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spacemonaut
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Post by spacemonaut » 2 years ago

Trinket Diver BR
Creature — Raccoon (R)
Haste
At the beginning of your end step, if Trinket Diver is in your graveyard, you may pay . When you do, return Trinket Diver and up to one target noncreature artifact card from your graveyard to the battlefield tapped.
2/1


IIW: Alter egos from another timeline/multiverse
Last edited by spacemonaut 2 years ago, edited 2 times in total.

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Cythare
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Post by Cythare » 2 years ago

Thrifty Thief BR
Creature — Raccoon (R)
Menace
Whenever Thrifty Thief deals combat damage to a player, exile a nonland card at random from that player's graveyard. Until end of turn, you may cast that card without paying its mana cost. If it would be put into that player's graveyard this turn, exile it instead.
2/2

IIW: A DFC but the backside is just flavor text OR Merfolk splashdown
Level 2 Judge circa 2016
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Post by Phyrexian Editor » 2 years ago

A Real Piece of %$#% That Is Destroying My Garage, This Is Really Happening, This Is Not a Magic Card bb
Creature - Raccoon %$#%
Deathtouch
t: Stare at me through my kitchen window because she knows there isn't anything I can do to stop her short of putting grates up on all the intake points on the garage and we all know I'm not doing that
"Yeaaaaah %$#% yooou huuuumaaaan"
1/1

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spacemonaut
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Post by spacemonaut » 2 years ago

Garage Invader G{G/W}W
Creature — Raccoon Rogue
As long as Garage Invader is attacking, for each creature you control with power 2 or less, you may have that creature assign its combat damage as though it weren't blocked.
They always know their way in, and nothing can stop them and their friends from taking the freshest trash for themselves.
2/2

IIW: Phyrexian Editor's garage gets fixed
IIW: Alter egos from another timeline/multiverse

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