Decklist
Commander (1)
Cards that aren't lands (5)
Approximate Total Cost:
You heard me, this is plargg deck number 3. And I've still got more left in me!
Anyway, this one is reeeaaaaal simple. Rummage away some lands, then spin the wheel of Plargg. You're hoping to get Seismic Assault in play ASAP, since that's your wincon and your best way to dump lands in the graveyard. Staff does nothing initially, same for elixir, but they're needed to set up future shenanigans. Wheel and Planar Birth you might want to not cast if you hit it first - they'll go on the bottom so you can cast them later. If you do cast Wheel, it'll at least set up a decent planar birth if you hit that next. The only card that MUST be cast from hand before you wheel is Elixir.
Once you've got SA on the board, you can bin most of your hand for shooting people, places, or things - though there's no rush exactly. The big synergy here is to use Planar Birth to recur all your lands to the battlefield once you've pitched them - if you get lucky and hit SA → WoF → PB, you could recur 16 lands on turn 7. But so long as you hit either wheel or SA before PB you'll get at least 9. Note that you might also choose to stop hitting land drops to pitch to SA instead.
This is where Staff and Elixir come in. Elixir shuffles PB and WoF back into the deck. With your new wealth of mana, you can untap Plargg with staff multiple times per turn to activate him and repeatedly WoF → PB, dealing 14 damage and getting 7 more lands to play. This deals a lot of damage in escalating amounts, Ofc be careful not to deck yourself. Eventually you'll need to stop casting PB, when you've got 7 lands or so left in your deck. Then just keep repeating WoF → Elixir and flinging lands. That should give you a repeatable <=14 damage for 20 mana, 29 if you include the whiff on PB. Not very efficient, but you'll have like 85+ mana in play so whatever.
What do you do if any piece of this dumb nonsense gets exiled?
Uh, lose, probably.
Anyway, enjoy!
EDIT: added valakut because duh.