Pygyzy Megathread

[Pygyzy]

So I didn't have a complete vision of what I was going for but I think I've nailed a lot down so I'm gonna try to explain some of my sets themes.

Some Card Names

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Laughing Matter
Undercover Sting
The First Grade Degree
I Don't Wanna
Tastelessness
Sweet Honey Baby
Decomplexity Cat
Yanni//Laurel
Eco-Friendly Vat of Acid
Sharks with Lasers, Keep Out!

For the name I was thinking something like Un-Tolerable or Un-Believable or Un-Excusable. Un-loved? Unforgivable? I can't think of a good one but it should poke fun of pop culture and spoof different genres since that's a theme. Should feel like an "Urban Horror/Fantasy" as innistrad was gothic.
Basically if WOTC looked at R&D's Secret Lair and said, How can we make this a set?

Design Philosophy:
I like to bend the rules til they snap and put em back together. Magic can be any game so try something different. Sometimes I'll look at the rule book, find a rule and try to break it, especially "unbreakable" ones. That's my approach. Start first with ok what can't i do then whittle away until there's more can than can't.

One thing about some of my designs, they're fun for me. Unfortunately fun for me sometimes means tormenting the hell out of my opponent. That's why some of my designs are fiddly and irritating. They're like that on purpose cuz if they're fiddly and irritating to me, they'll be that much fun to watch my opponent get annoyed over. Again, that's fun for me haha. Sorry not sorry.

Themes:
Food and food cards: There will be nonartifact food cards, not Food with a capitol F, that interact with food cards, Foods, and food(that you eat). This is the most troublesome because of numerous logistical issues but food cards I think solves some issues. As a joke i thought "what if banana was a color. Could a card be a banana?", so I decided to try to find out. (Still figuring that one out.)

SPOILER

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Example

Server Dog RG
Creature — Dog Waiter
Haste
T: If an opponent controls a food or food creature, you may take a bite of food. If you do, Server Dog fights target creature.
3/1

Snack-Cake Giant 3
Delicious Creature — Giant Sponge
(Delicious creatures count as food but you can't eat them.)
Snackburst (This creature enters the battlefield with a +1/+1 counter for each different flavor you ate this turn. The flavor types are sour, sweet, salty, bitter and savory.)
0/0

Keywordy — the joke is, if magic text keeps shortening at the same rate, in 10 years cards will just be abbreviations. So I thought, let's see how far I can take that idea. I got some feedback on the keyword count already but I didn't explain the mechanic well enough.
So similar to wordy I wanted keywordy (3 or more keywords). I was thinking around 50 keywords, some with no meaning, a few that do the same thing but different names, completely unnecessary keywords. There will be an overly-complex mechanic (workshopping a few concepts) and a simpleton mechanic (muraganda finally!). The idea was that I'd use the reminder card to list different keywords. There's also the useless mechanic, which is about cards with "no rules meaning" Example:

SPOILER

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Exasperated Sigh U
Instant
Read the card (Cover the textbox of the targeted spell while this is on the stack.)
Counter target overly-complex spell.(A spell is overly-complex if a player can't accurately explain what it does without looking at it.)

Peanut Butter and Brain Jelly Bb
Delicious Enchantment — Lunch Sandwich
At the beginning of each players upkeep, delete the last sentence from a creature they control with the most sentences in it's text box. If that creature has no text, you may take a bite of food. If you do, destroy that creature.

Destupidifier WW
Creature — Psychic Doctor
If another creature would deal combat damage to a creature or player, Destupidifier deals it's combat damage if it's in combat instead. When Destupidifier deals combat damage, other creatures deal their combat damage.
All keywords lose their rules meaning.
2/2

Decimals - This will be mostly faction tied cuz it can be tiresome but it's more or less used how fractions were. I'm only sticking to halves unless a card necessitates it. I know "two +.5/+.5 counters" looks weird but there is a reason for it. I've posted a lot of these already so skipping the example.

Jobs and Relatives - Lotta specialized vocations, Carpenter, plumber, etc. Police is a big one as it's faction-related. Relatives like mother brother etc. Cousin is a mechanic.

SPOILER

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Nepotism DeputismW
Enchantment — Honorary Aura
Enchant nonpolice creature
When Nepotism Deputism enters the battlefield, reveal any number of permanent cards from your hand that share a creature type with enchanted creature. Enchanted creature gains their text in addition to it's own for as long as this Aura is attached.
Enchanted creature is a Police Cousin in addition to its other types and has "T: Chasten target nonpolice creature until end of turn."

I think that's a lot of what I got. Probably missing something but I'll remember if it's important. O ya, I remember one. A new psychographic and cards for it but I'll get to that later. O ya and part of the complexity vs non-complex, there will be cards that interact with reading it's text. (Hard to explain without an example which I'll get around to but the mechanic name is called, "Pay Attention!"). Opponents making choices is a sub theme. And pirates.

I remember what I forgot, Confuse

SPOILER

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Manic 2G
Instant
Creature tokens can't be created this turn.
Create Daffodil, a 3/3 Pink and Polka-Dot Elephant creature token.
Confuse
(You may cast either or both halves of this card and ignore any sentence on either half.)
Monday 1G
Instant
Creature tokens gain indestructible until end of turn.
Destroy all creature tokens.
Confuse

Next up: factions

Mustache-Twirling Villains Anonymous UBR

Think of the one person you dislike the most and one minor annoyance. Random example: Dog the Bounty Hunter, dry skin. DTBH is in MTVA and his sole goal is to give you dry skin. It's his job and he does it well. It's routine and he really loves giving you dry skin. Why? Maybe he just doesn't like you. DTBH doesn't explain himself.

So this is my guild I made this set just to have one grixis commander so this will be my play style. Sorry not sorry

Ever think the world's just out to inconvenience you, for no particular reason, not even one that makes sense, in the most trivial, convoluted way that you say, "Someone out there must really have it out for me." Well good news. It totally is and they totally do. And they do it to take away the most precious thing in life. Your time. MTVA

SPOILER

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Gather Round Y'all 3U
Sorcery
Pay attention! (Read this card's text while it's on the stack at a normal pace. Read only if you've made sure your opponents are listening.)
Foggy memory (Opponents can't closely examine this card except while it's on the stack.)
Dear Opponents, I have something to say. Ahem.
Find the snail in the art in 10 seconds or I draw 3 cards. Go.

Snail is just what I came up with, thanks adventure time, but I could use whatever as long as it's hidden. Or I cut out of Where's Waldo all Waldo's and choose one. Haha yes.

I Sigh 1UB
Sorcery
Pay attention!
Dear opponents, hello.
Apple Dog Sock Baseball Button
Point to different one in the art each in 10 seconds. If you don't, discard a card. If no one does, I return this to my hand. Haha.

The entire card is one of those "find the object" things. Like I cut and paste out of one of those books. Words are random, just whatever I can hide again.

Those are both art related but I have one that's not.

Better Off 2BR
Sorcery
Pay attention!
Destroy nontouched creatures. This resolves.

I'm weighing if I need to add "this spell resolves once you've finished reading it". The original idea was either quick, short spells with choices, like a QuickTime event, or I could make stronger effects with longer text based on what's read. Or make it confusing enough when you're reading it that by the time it's resolved your opponent is still too confused to figure out what's going on. The goal is to do mean things but it's totally fine cuz you read the card outloud. How could you not understand that purposefully misleading, strangely phrased, word puzzle.

Two examples
One Day 1B
Sorcery
Pay Attention! (Read this card's text while it's on the stack at a normal pace. Read only if you've made sure your opponents are listening. It resolves after read.)
Players, I hope this finds you well,
Human G Dog F Cat R Bird B Beast L
If you're searching your library already, and I hope you are, you may reveal a creature card with a name starting with any letter I recited, put it into your hand, then shuffle. Otherwise, it's too late.

The Shuffler 2UB
Creature — Gamer Shark
Pay attention!
Opponents, salutations,
Do the shuffle. Dont stop until you hit four.
Look at me. I'm entering with two +1/+1 counters on. Crazy.
I'm drawing a card. On cast. Yes. I know.
What about "This creature is unblockable.". Really.
Ubh, I can't think of anything else. Got it. Gimme lifelink. Nice
The Shuffler has each sentence recited in it's entirety up until someone shuffles four times.
2/2

The First Grade Degree 1B
Sorcery
Pay Attention!
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands, clap clap.
If you didn't clap your hands lose four life.
"Clap clap"

I Don't Wanna UU
Instant
If you're reading this, I countered your spell.
If you're not, I draw a card.
"Sorry, not sorry."

Next: The Card Police

[Pygyzy]

The Card Police WUG
They're a lot like the MTVA only the complete opposite. Instead of making your life harder for amusement, don't curse, they do it out of some psuedo-benevolent sense of righteous superiority that only makes sense for arcane reasons they can't really explain and probably barely made sense 100 years ago. But believe them when they say it's for your own good. Without the Card Police, society would collapse. Cats would befriend dogs, people would wear hats on their feet. If someone's having too much fun The Card Police are there to exactly measure and quantify it to certify it's within the law. Everything will be fine as long as you have the permits. Oh, you can't find em? Tell ya what. Let me in on a little fun and I'll promise to look the other way this time. Just kidding, you're going to Fun Jail for bribing an officer without using the secret hand shake. Do you know the get out of jail free code word? Oh boy.

SPOILER

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Information Weaver 3g
Creature — Spider Criminal Coward
Reach
T: Choose a creature type. Reveal the top X cards of your library, where X is equal to the greatest number of lines of text on a creature you control. Put a creature card of that type from among those cards into your hand, and the rest on the bottom of your library in random order.
2/4
"That's them officer. I saw them eight times at the scene of the crime. Am I free to weave now?"

The Sucker-Uppers WUB
You all know that one person. The person that just seems to get whatever they want all the time, from their boss, coworkers, friends. Things you wanted. Maybe a promotion, a deal, a foot in the door. That should be you. They don't deserve it. They don't even appreciate what they have. How can they be that stupid, yet have it all? Or is it something else. Something else. They absolutely deserve everything because they're simply the best and they did all the best things. What may seem the worst traits to you sorry you're wrong. They're the best. Yup. Shoulda been a bigger donkey smoocher. I don't know what to tell ya. There's like science and stuff that backs it up so.

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Mrs. Snooty Snoot 2WUB
Artifact Creature — Clone Mom Noble
Classlessness (Protection from creatures with two or fewer creature types.), name caller (Protection from creatures with two or fewer words in their name.), intractable (Protection from Moms, Dads, Sisters, Brothers, Nieces, Nephews, Grandmothers, Grandfathers, Granddaughters, Grandsons, Cousins, and Advisors.)
"Do you know who I am?"
3/5

League of Extraordinary Asses BRG
Astronaut, Rocket Doctor, Gleemax and all those other ones. You know the characters no one loves. You love them, love them I say! There like Stretchman? I literally cannot thing of one good use for that. Next: Man on Fire Sometimes. That probably one of the worst too. Next: Guy that's so obviously evil and also a vampire but everyone acts surprised when he turns out to be an evil vampire Next: Guy who just poses, does nothing, and only narrowly escapes death by pure chance and somehow he's the best? A donkey and a Hydra having babies is more believable. Next: There's Petunia, the Ass Hydra, Ok that's adorable. How do donkeys put on clothes if they only have hooves instead of hands? Anyways that jokes over. League of extraordinary Gentleman but with asses and stuff. Definitely gonna have a Giant Ass Squid. In fact

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Johnny Frankenstein 3BG
Legendary Creature — Zombie Buddy
Protection from Citizens and Wizards
Johnny Frankenstein can't block creatures with fire in their art.
Whenever an opponent says, "Uh", "Um", or, "Hmm", put a +1/+1 counter on Johnny.
7/4

Giant Ass Squid 8U
Delicious Creature — Giant Ass Squid
Dun-duh (Once each upkeep, you may reveal a card named Giant Ass Squid from your hand and say, "Dun-Duh.". If you do, put a suspense counter on a card in your hand named Giant Ass Squid. These counters roam freely in uncharted waters.)
Least suspect — ITS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!
(This spell is free anytime if it has more suspense counters than you've had turns.)
When Giant Ass Squid enters the battlefield, take up to eight bites of food. For each bite you took, up to 8 target creatures become Fish, 0/1 blue Artifact Food Creatures instead of their normal types, for as long as you control Giant Ass Squid.
8/8

The Melodrama Club WRG
Love em or hate em there's something about their incoherent vocalizations and long bouts of screeching while writhing that makes the whole world turn to watch in abject horror or gleeful nihilism. More or less the same thing. You think <celebrity family I won't mention by name but we all know what I'm talking about> is bad? What are there like 5-6 of them? How about a small nation. All. Exactly. Like. That. Also they're all terrifying monsters. Even more so. Oh the Horror! THE HORROR!

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Army of Frothing Fanatics WR
Creature — Child Goblin Army
Triple strike
When Army of Frothing Fanatics enters the battlefield, choose the name of a creature an opponent controls at random.
Obsequious — All creatures you control attack creatures with the chosen name directly if able. Other creatures can't block them.
When an opponent controls no creatures with the chosen name, choose the name of a creature an opponent controls at random. If you can't, sacrifice Army of Frothing Fanatics.
1/2

Alpha Mascot 1G
Creature — Teenager Cheerleader Werewolf
Whenever this creature attacks, choose a creature type that's an animal. You may cheer, "Let's go, the chosen animal type, let's go.", and clap three times. When you do, put a counter on this creature of the animal type you chose. Creatures you control are the creature type of the animal counter on this, in addition to their other types and dominate.
At the beginning of your end step, if your creatures are dominating, transform Alpha Mascot at the beginning of your next end step.
Go, Wombats!
2/2
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Hometown Hero
<green> Creature — Teenager Werewolf Jockey
Creatures you control that share a type with the animal counter on this dominate.
Vigilance
T: Target creature attacking or defending player controls becomes blocked by Hometown Hero if able or Hometown Hero blocks that creature if able.
Violent— At the beginning of each end step, if no creature died this turn, transform this and remove all animal counters from it.
4/4

Dominate 1W
Enchantment
Dominate (Creatures you control get +1/+1 and are dominating as long as they all share the same type.)

[Pygyzy]

Inclusivity Festivity 2RG
Enchantment
As you cast this spell, if the interval between you and the autumnal equinox is less absolute in temporal relativism, this has declination. If the interval between you and the winter solstice is less absolute in temporal relativism, this has apsis.
Declination — All creatures have base power and toughness equal to their lowest value.
Apsis — You have an additional upkeep step after your first upkeep step.
"Every knave open your stick bags. It's a stick! Yay. Go have fun!"